“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you” – Buddha
Learning to let go is one of the hardest lessons that life presents us. Whether it’s letting go of an emotion, a habit, or a person change is never easy. There is an element of fight evoked in the body to hold on while simultaneously there is a fight to let go. It is human nature to crave a narrative that includes a complete beginning, middle, and end; often when the “end” is left open or incomplete the act of letting go can feel forced or unnatural. One important component in learning to move forward is to shed the idea that letting go is the same as giving up. There is no shame in recognizing when something is not right for you and understanding that, although you are worthy of it, closure is not always a part of the equation.
One of the questions I get asked most frequently is how to determine whether or not a situation is worth fighting for. Now, let me preface this next part by stating that only YOU have the ability to look inside yourself and understand what is best for YOU as an individual without outside influence. That being said, I invite you to ask yourself one pivotal question: “does this thing (situation, habit, person, etc.) make me feel heavy?” The feeling of heaviness is often unnecessarily upon our shoulders, weighing us down and causing added suffering.
Toxicity of the brain is fueled by cognitive distortions that are based on irrational thought patterns and continually reinforce negative emotions – negative emotions then emphasize irrational thought patterns and thus the “mind spiral” is powered. The key to changing behavior is increased awareness. When awareness increases, perspective inadvertently shifts. This shift in perspective interrupts the negative “mind spiral” we can all too often find ourselves in. Once the disillusion is brought to light the mind can be redirected, negative thoughts can be reframed, and behavioral changes can be achieved.
Continued suffering can frequently stem from the illusion that the past could have been any different than it actual was; yet this idea is just that, an illusion – the past is the past and cannot be changed. The past can also have a magnetic pull on us, especially when it is remembered differently or lacks the appropriate amount of closure. All too often the past is played repeatedly over and over, and seen through rose colored glasses that cloud judgement, lead to adverse emotions, and create roadblocks for advancement. Continuing to live in the past is like living in the prison you built around yourself – containing you from emotional growth and preventing full acceptance that the past cannot be altered. The important thing is to stay as focused as possible on the present moment – when you stay in the present moment you create space for the future to be filled with endless possibilities.
Interested of beginning the process of letting go? I invite you to begin and end each day with three deep, mindful breaths. Sit or lay down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Take a long slow inhale – exhale and say “I honor and release my past”… (Repeat the breath and affirmation three times).
Remember: letting go takes time, be patient with yourself and honor your own process of healing.
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